Post by MFB on Feb 26, 2005 1:57:15 GMT -5
brace yourself; you will cry from laughter. 
The funniest Church bulletin mistakes of all time (supposedly these really happened):
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Due to construction all babies will be baptized in the rear.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please, use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
The Lutheran Men's Group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Miss Charlene Mason, sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
Following this morning's message will be a pubic profession of faith.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The funniest Church bulletin mistakes of all time (supposedly these really happened):
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Due to construction all babies will be baptized in the rear.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please, use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
The Lutheran Men's Group will meet at 6pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Miss Charlene Mason, sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
Following this morning's message will be a pubic profession of faith.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Invader 
Oh! I heard this one, one time, yeah? And, you know, it all went like.............................like...............................
