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Post by MFB on Jan 12, 2005 20:11:05 GMT -5
Well, the changed version is better and worse. The paragraphs make reading easier, but the editing has removed some of what I found to be humorous. Scentences like this:
That scared many people because they were scary looking. The people were ran away.
I actually found to be funnier with the reapeated:
That scared many people, because they were evil. The people ran away, because they were evil.
Not to say you should take my oppinion. It would be your decision to change that or not. Ad for some minor corrections: this scentence is grammically correct:
They were inherently evil and had bad taste in clothes; they wore none.
And is what I intended when I wrote it. The cuccos wear nothing not because they have bad taste in clothes, they have bad tastes in clothes because they wear nothing, you know what I mean?
And actually, what I had in mind with a revision in the first place, was to actually just take the origional game as a reference and make a fic like Cy's with descriptions, quotes, and all of that. I could understand if that is too much of a task for you, and possibly, it might be a bad idea becaue much of the humor is in the speed of the small fic. AC! It's still very random and funny. ;D
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 12, 2005 20:32:58 GMT -5
Okay, well I don't know anymore... DO whatever, i give up... trying to make too many people happy at once doesn't work...
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Post by MFB on Jan 12, 2005 20:45:53 GMT -5
EXACTLY, Spaz! You can't make everyone happy, that is just something impossible. I was giving you constructive criticism. If you plan on making written works, you have to learn that the construtive critisism is the best thing to recieve, rather than "It's great" or "perfect." There are NO perfect works in the world. We are all humana with fallible natures. So don't dispair from CC, rather, embrace it. Flames on the other hand...*shudders*
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 12, 2005 20:53:45 GMT -5
Yes, that is why I don't write in here... I am never, ever writing another thing in here...
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Jan 13, 2005 12:55:29 GMT -5
Aye, best give up the subject. Me thinks it has gone on long enough. No use getting or giving hurt feelings.
I think we all need to move onto another subject....
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 13, 2005 15:37:35 GMT -5
Well that sounds like a good idea
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Post by MFB on Jan 13, 2005 19:10:06 GMT -5
In review to the coolness that is the ESPS Digiquest, I must say it is very well concieved and incredibly entertaining, Cy. A less able author would ost likely have placed us in the real world; the invention of a VR is most ingenious. It reminds me most uncannily of the Matrix, especially with our appearances reflecting our Sign-on names. The inclusion of the ESPS ghost and the "guest" add both a humor and dark presence to the plot. Can't wait for more.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jan 13, 2005 20:09:15 GMT -5
thanks much. Less able author...well it would have bored me. What need have we for RL?
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 14, 2005 15:14:34 GMT -5
That is a very good question CY.... RL can be boring I think a lot of the time, so if the story is made a little on the unreal side or fantasy like, it becomes more interesting to the reader... I have no idea if that makes sense...
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jan 15, 2005 14:32:42 GMT -5
I think it makes great sense.
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 15, 2005 14:40:48 GMT -5
Did you add more to the Esps thing yet??
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jan 17, 2005 20:21:49 GMT -5
It'll definatly be up, a long section, by the end of this week. I just gotta get to my dad's.
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 17, 2005 20:27:58 GMT -5
Okay..... That sounds cool
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Post by MFB on Jan 19, 2005 0:52:51 GMT -5
[song]Here come the Yingyn Riders![/song] Ok, remind me never to do that again. Once more, Cy, you have the beginning of a truly epic fic to the definition of the word. It is a bit too epic at times, reqiring extream attention to read properly, but that is all in the determination of the reader to place themselves in what is shaping up to be the vast and complex world which you have created. My only complaint is that what you have added of chapter 2 is very miniscule. But I will be patient and wait for more. ;D
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jan 19, 2005 15:46:40 GMT -5
hmm, 2nd chappie's done. Too epic?? How?? Is that possible? You mean...complicated? lol, i'm just a little confused. Oh yeah, and never sing that again!
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 19, 2005 21:45:12 GMT -5
CY,I think it is cool and I can't wait to read more of the story!!
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Post by Kora on Jan 20, 2005 22:08:40 GMT -5
I KNEW IT! KIT'S THE DARK SIDE! Love it! *sings* Just keep writing! Just keep writing!
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 20, 2005 22:15:09 GMT -5
Yea, I love the story... It is cool!!
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Post by MFB on Jan 20, 2005 22:24:01 GMT -5
There are, really and truly, few fanfics that I have ever gotten "into." Two of them we're true fanfics. The other two, are OF, and are both by you, Cy. Yingyn Riders, and the ESPS DijQuest. The former is probably due to the fact that it follows colsely to a Tolkein-esque kind of work; the latter, mostly because it's about us. ;D But both are because you have very good writing skills. I'm sure you're totally bored of my reviews all being praises, but really, unless I'm hyper critical, they're near perfect.
The only fault in the ESPS DijQuest, if it can even be called a fault, is that it has much more Cy and Yaz than everyone else, which is AC, cause you both made the site. it makes a lot of sense. But I personally would like to see more interaction with other characters in the upcomming chappies. Maybe some more fleshing out of the other stories. It seems established that Cy is a fierce fighter, and Yaz, the talker/peacemaker. I'd like to see that for the other characters. Of course, seeing that you're working with actual people, I can see why you would avoid using others as much as possible (YAY! I got a sentence! ;D). But I can speak for myself when I say, do whatever you feel is right for my character. If it helps flesh out the story, it's fine with me. Even if I turn evil and die or whatever. (LOL! That'd be humorous. ;D) Anyway, I'll stop talking your ear off. Nice chappie, can't wait for the next. ;D
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Post by Spazzy on Jan 21, 2005 20:30:35 GMT -5
I still think it is cool... Yea, CY you do a great job with your writings!
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