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Post by Spazzy on Jun 8, 2005 14:04:23 GMT -5
Thanks MFB.. Yea, I like the poem the way it is.. I like short poems also.. Sometimes the reader spaces out if you have such a long poem.. It is meant to be dark sort of because those are my feelings and emotions.. I think it explains what some people other than I feel.. You would only really understand Cy, if you knew what I go through everyday... If you want to know just PM me..
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jun 8, 2005 14:34:23 GMT -5
Spaz, if you meant your poem to be short don't let me tell you it shouldn't be, if that's the way you want it. Maybe I will PM you...after reading it again... Silver, I have read your "Survival of the Fittest" and found it enjoyable. The writing itself was pretty good, though pushing the environmentalist thing a little far; I mean you could have described the ruined earth, more adjectives, instead of talking about it. The characterizations were good (I felt sorry for Lucan). This question: one of the officers is spoken of as having metals around his neck. This sorta made me wonder 1) where he got them and 2) why that sort of thing isn't relegated to the humans. It's a unanimal thing, i thought, to wear your rank. The part where the chaos of battle was beginning and Daerus was lost for a second, just sitting there, surprised me because he's a great commander, and it seemed that that wouldn't happen to him. Why did he just stop and sit? Altogether quite good--i go into these little details cause that's the only thing i can see wrong.
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Post by Spazzy on Jun 8, 2005 15:35:15 GMT -5
It is okay.. I thought I posted yesterday about it but I guess I didn't.. Anyway, it is okay.. I like the feed back that i get from you cause you are a great writer..
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Jun 8, 2005 16:44:18 GMT -5
Thanks Cy.
The reason I didn't go into the way the earth is because I wanted the reader to be able to see it the way they think it will turn out to be. You know? How does the reader see the world. Not to mention, I would've had too many pages explaining the whole setting anyway. I wanted to base more of the story around the characters, not the scene.
The medals is an interesting question. I put them in one because it sounded cool (hey cool animals wearing medals strapped around their chest sounds awesome) and two, I never really said they meant anything about the rank. They could've been for anything. I think at the time I wasn't going to have Lucan die. He was actually going to be a bigger part of the story until I ran out of time. But again, why do you think he was wearing the medals (I don't mean you directly Cy, I'm just being general)
And last but not least, the Great commander. In this part I figured, if I was a great commander and everything that I did would determine the outcome of a war I would be a little frazzled to see that all my plans are going wrong. I mean, first he couldn't even see where anything was with all the rain. The severity of the storm was unexpected. Then the humans arrived earlier than expected. They were not fully prepared. Then to see a good friend die. I mean, could you imagine watching a coworker and good friend die right in front of you, with nothing you can do about it? I think I would react the same way Daerus did.
I know I made the humans sound puny, but this was from an animal's point of view, even if it was in first person. It's like us during any war, even the one in Iraq going on now. We see the Iraq ppl as the "bad guys". The animals saw the humans as the bad guys. Pretty much the humans were the bad guys. Their greed and lack of caring for the environment ruined the world. (Not like this is really going to happen, but it is just another view of a possible future)
The idea for the story actually spawned from a discussion I had with another girl in a photography seminar I went to. Animal evolution is taking place even today. Because we are ruining so much animal habitat, especially in the rainforests and even around here, animals are evolving to accommodate that. Animals become smarter when they have to learn to avoid humans. For example, there is a rat in my barn that mocks my dad and I. I swear on this. He will literally take the poison we set out for him and put it back on top of the counter in the barn. Also, mice have even become immune to many poisons. What happened in my story was just a magnafied version of what is going on now.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jun 9, 2005 17:35:37 GMT -5
Ok, I understand. And know what you mean about the rats...
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Post by Jaina~ timesplitter on Jun 14, 2005 18:47:11 GMT -5
lol
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Jul 16, 2005 13:23:54 GMT -5
I love the new part of the quest! SWORD SWORD SWORD!!!!
I don't have time to write more. Time for work! ugh...
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jul 17, 2005 11:28:20 GMT -5
Yeah, you're gonna be a rebel....i thought you wouldn't mind if I used your characteristic as a plot point...do you? k/j Thanks for the compliment. :)I have more that stems directly off that scene, but gotta write it.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jul 31, 2005 18:39:57 GMT -5
Silver, your Sergyon fic isn't bad, though I can't see where the plot is going like you can.
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Aug 7, 2005 20:45:18 GMT -5
Hehe, I really don't think there is a plot. If there is, I can't really remember it. I didn't even know that I had begun writing a story like that and the story isn't the way I wanted the Sergyon story to be anyway. Make sense? Yes, I'm verrrrrry sleepy. BUT, I don't think the story has a plot. {Confusion} WOooooo....
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Aug 8, 2005 17:58:20 GMT -5
Makes sense. Forgetting stuff makes sense. Being sleepy makes sense. 'Night, Silver.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 14, 2005 6:59:12 GMT -5
Look, a double post. DUN DUN DUUUN! Yeah. Silver, I have read "Switch" and am rather confused about the intended point...did the human conciousness become the animal's? Was that supposed to somehow better the human's rather flawed view of things? I'm not sure. The prose itself got better as the short fic' went a long; it was a little choppy in the beginning, like you were just explaining without the fictional koolness that came later in phrasing. The description of the dream was nice and...dreamlike. Not everyone knows what hydroplanning is...I felt that the part where you described the crash could be more descriptive.
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Oct 14, 2005 7:41:05 GMT -5
The point of the story was for the reader to decide on their own. The questions you asked must be answered by your own point of view of the story. The beginning was meant to be choppy, there were not many ways to describe the character otherwise, not to mention I didn't want the reader to become attached to the character. I wanted him seen more as an object, a sort of vehicle for the story.
Hydroplaning is when the tires of a car slip above the water. The tires slide, like on ice. There's nothing you can do to stop it. Once you hydroplane, you are stuck. The day we were driving to NY, the truck hydroplaned quite a bit. It was scary, something that was out of my control, as well as my dad's. It was amazing that we actually made it home alive after probably seeing 10 accidents along the way.
The dream was really the only part that mattered. If you understood that much, you are half way there. The rest of the answers must come from your own conclusions.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 14, 2005 14:12:24 GMT -5
Yo comprendo. I am gathering that a lot of your short fics are like that...which is very interesting.
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Oct 14, 2005 19:48:08 GMT -5
mostly, because if I was to actually make them make sense they would be novels and at the moment I don't have time for that. It takes too much to develop characters and put them all together. Such a pain. I'll stick with my well-developed RPG characters. Hehe...
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Oct 15, 2005 18:10:03 GMT -5
Well short stories can make sense...take for example my Astra Quixote. You just sorta gotta read a lot of them, the masters like Heinlein and Asimov, to get the feel for the way they work. But that's my point of view. Writers can work in incredably different ways.
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Post by SilverSergyon13 on Oct 16, 2005 18:38:57 GMT -5
Aye...they can.
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Post by Cy Skywalker on Jun 23, 2006 6:07:59 GMT -5
On Warious' Dragon series; I like how it is a series. Very interesting. The imagery is very good but some words are choppy, like you're not sure what to fit in each line. Interesting 'stories' though.
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Post by Chaotic Master Darth Warious on Sept 3, 2006 21:46:47 GMT -5
I just addeed the rest...so far
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Post by MFB on Dec 23, 2008 16:31:16 GMT -5
Because I love to bring up dead threads, I just read the rest of the ESPS DijiQuest, and yeah, even though it's been, what, 2-3 years since you touched it (probably), it's totally wepic. To continue from where I left of, I love the "drama" of a splitting of the group. Although I doubt you have any intentions of completing the work, it seems like it has/had a lot going for it, and the characterization part seems pretty well-done now. Just thought I'd mention that, since it's such an awesome OF.
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